almost famous

I don’t know how celebrities deal with unwanted attention. I know I haven’t been prepped to deal with ignorant people chasing after webtrails searching for the least bit of info on me  with lofty hopes of using my own words against me.

Try again.

I stand behind anything I say and do- its called integriy, something that comes in short supply these days with a lot of people I come into contact with directly and indirectly on any given day. Its very true what they say that a persons words, in written form, can be interpreted in many different ways and it all depends on the state of mind of the person reading them. I can’t be held responsible for the intentions of others, nor can I be concerned too tough about them.  Life is proving to be very fair and very just for me and I am grateful for that. I’m about to embark on a new opportunity, which I have been devoting a lot of energy and time to, and I look forward to great things- despite the efforts of others to slow me down. There is a plan in the works folks, and  it will take more than a small minded person with internet access and a printer to stop it.

God does what he says, folks. If you believe nothing else in life, you can count on that.

 

 

do overs, comcast sucks, the pink eye, angel wife and more

Ever had one of those days where you felt that if you could JUST start over from the beginning, that all would be well in the world? You get about half way through days like this and give  up because if things continue to progress in the same manner, really, what would be the point of putting forth any effort. SIGH. THIS HAS BEEN MY WHOLE ENTIRE WEEK.  Jesus take the wheel, the keys,the car……heck,drop me off somewhere and please please please pick me up later when order has been restored. I got a call on Monday night telling me that my godfather would be getting buried the NEXT day. Who waits til the day BEFORE a funeral …HOURS even to pass off this kind of information?? My godfather had been ill for the past 20 odd years. Several strokes had rendered him paralyzed, and added to that problems with diabetes, kidney failure…he’s been holding on with the help of a DEVOTED ANGEL WIFE for all this time. She passed last year and he finally crossed over last week. Now, this man had about 9 children, but guess who’s photo he kept in his wallet all these years? Yup, everytime I saw him, he would show me my busted high school photo- the only pic other than his wife- that he kept there. So of course, as late of notice that I got, there was no way in three hells I was tryin to NOT be there. I made some calls to have some folks cover me at the office the next day. I got to the funeral a tad bit late, it was one of the more “interesting” services that  I have EVER EVER EVER been to, and all that I can respectfuly say is that my strong strong desire to be cremated with a small memorial service were just reinforced. One hundred times over.

Moving on.

So of course the day after the funeral-Wednesday-, I had two hundred fifty emails in my inbox at work. Voicemail on my office phone and work cell phone-full. This is where the giving up part comes in because..whats the point. Ifigured I’d go home, get into some comfy clothes and fall asleep on the couch watching cable. WRONG! WRONG! The cable was OUT. Cable, internet AND PHONE- DOA. Of course, calling Comcast won us the privilige of waiting on hold for ONE HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTES. Maybe thats a little misleading to say because it gives the impression that someone picked up after one hour and thirty minutes. No. After one hour and thirty minutes of some damn elevator music featuring a stupid cheerful flautist, we gave up.Cause really, what would be the point.

flute.jpg (Side note.Whoever is responsible for choosing the “hold” music at Comast- I hate you. Dont play some cheerful azz music that brings forth images of butterlies flitting and brooks burbling!! Don’t you know that if your local office wasn’t closed that da*n flute alone would’ve had me in my car on my way there to act a fool!!! With all the foolishness that your customer’s endure- you should be playing something more morose…like a da*n bassoon… )) 

 The next day we were promised a visit out from the tech. Meanwhile, I had awaken to a nicely crusted film over my right eye. Since I had no internet and had some things that I HAD TO GET DONE- I got in my truck with my one good eye and trekked out to Ashburn, where I was treated like a leper as “girl don’t you know you got the pink eye!?” AARRRGGGHHH. I stayed at work for about three hours and then headed home quickly to wait for the tech who did show up at 5:30pm. Apparently, our lovely WMZQ fans next door ran into the cable line or something with their truck and “we tried to tell you we knocked on the door but noone answered”. Maybe the should have tried adveritising it on WMZQ on a commerical break at 4 in the morning. “This just in. Would the people who live at **** please contact your cable provider. I think we fuqed your situation up..just fyi”..yea that would have gotten our attention because hell- we would have already been awake. Buttholes. 

So right now, I am sitting here mapquesting the urgent care center near me to get some drops or something for this infectious eye situation I have going on. Don’t even ask about Valentine’s Day. LOL. I did get a very nice surprise in the mail, but I won’t talk about that because with the week I’ve had I haven’t even had a chance to thank the sender yet, but it did generate a smile in the midst of mayhem. I don’t have a ton of friends, but the ones I have are keepers.

Through all the madness- I am lucky to be alive and lucky to have a new week to look forward to ( hopefully) for another shot at doing it right. Hope your week went well. 

on missing you

momandme20.jpg
Christmas this year without you was hard. I allowed myself to stay in my feelings and lashed out at those around me for not realizing it. Since the last time that I saw you was on Christmas day, every year on Christmas, I remember how great that visit was and THIS year, instead of rejoicing that our last time together was filled with love and laughter, I wallowed in the fact that there won’t be anymore.  Yea, Christmas was rough this year.
But the tables turned. On the 4 year anniversary of your passing on the 29th, your granddaughter and I had a wonderful day together. Laughing. Cooking. Being silly. You would be SO. PROUD. When I think of how proud you would be of her, I can’t help but to cry because you did so much to help make her the person she is. And I thank you. And I love you for it. Only a mother who loves her child as much as you did me, could do the things that you did for your grandchild. And I thank you.
I miss you at such random times. I could be driving and tears will pour out. I could be sitting at work and feel overwhelmed with loss and sadness.  You are always in my thoughts. Always.  While others might see me and be consumed by my faults, you let me know that I am a Wonderful woman and even though you are not here, I don’t allow myself to forget that. And I thank you for that. As with each year around this time, I dream about you a lot more. I know you are in a better place, but I can’t help myself wishing sometimes I had you hear for your sound advice peppered with your crazy sense of humor. I’ve had a lot of good things happen to me in my life, but the best thing was that God saw fit to bless me with a mother as loving and supportive as you. You taught me enough to surivive without you. But life was so much sweeter with you here by my side. Even still, I thank God I had you for my first 30 years. If I could make it to be half the woman that you were over the next 30 years than I will have achieved my life’s purpose.
Thank you Ma.
For everything.

new year’s resolve

new-year.jpgI have decided to do away with new year’s resolutions for good. Whats the point of them? I never stick to them. They always sound good when I vocalize them, but two weeks after the new year has begun, I find yourself still immersed in old habits. Fuq that. I’m over it. What  I WILL focus on is my resolve for the new year. How I will take steps to ensure that I see growth in the right areas; to make sure that I’m not repeating the same mistakes and not achieving any of the goals that I have set for myself. 2007 was one of those transition years for me- I couldn’t truly appreciate that until just yesterday. One of the major things that I’ve learned for 2007 is that you can’t achieve your goals without knowing your limitations. I never appreciated that before. At first it was just a matter of me creating these lofty goals, and not factoring in my own ..erra.. tendencies toward triflingness. So for 2008, I’m focusing on those tendencies that might prevent me from seeing my goals through to fruition. ( You know laziness, procrastination, being unorganized, unfocused..the list truly goes on).  I just feel good about the possibilities- the thought that new options, experiences and lessons are in store excites me.  The thought that I don’t have to be limited by other folks’ messiness, by other folks’ beliefs, by other folks’ choices excites me. Being blessed to sit here at the cusp of a new year excites me. Being grateful enough to know that though life is hard sometimes- my life is truly good and I have so much to be thankful for. In learning to be more gracious, I know that I do need to learn not to get sucked up into negativity as much as I have in the past. I allowed myself to wallow in it in 2007 and allowed myself to lose focus on the important things because of it. No more of that for me. So for anyone who visits with their own messy  negative agendas, there really won’t be much to go back and report. My apologies in advance. All that you will find here is more of ME than ever before. That way you can see who I am for yourself rather than basing your visits on what others have told you. That way you won’t waste your time by visiting me to find out someone else’s wherabouts. Messy. No messiness in 2008. Period.
I welcome the new year. I welcome the new possibilities. I welcome the blessings that God has in store for me as well as the lessons that He has designed for the new year. I welcome it all.
Happy New Year and good luck in strengthening your resolve in 2008!!

mess free

drama.jpgIn the spirit of promoting no mess for 2008, I have created a new category. I’ve found some people don’t agree with the things that I choose to share. That some things , namely my feelings and opinions on things as related to myself shouldn’t be shared. Runteldat contains those posts that are honest assessments of myself, my situation, my life at this point. Some might feel certain things are better left unsaid. As is the general consensus, I have a big mouth. But I will never write anything that will expose the life and choices of others. Thats why I don’t write EVERYTHING on this blog. I have chosen to share me- the people in my life haven’t made any such decision and I respect that. So, when I may be crossing the line, or feel I am exposing something very personal- Runteldat will help readers to access these posts much more quickly and with much greater ease. Call it my gift to you forf the new year.
No mess in 2008.
Peace and blessings.