full set $25

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Back when I was a broke college kid attending the University of MD, one of the highlighs of my week was going to get my n.ails done. I’m talking a full set of a.crylic nails, air.brush desig.n- the works, honey! I couldn’t afford the $5 extra it would’ve cost for a handpainte.d desi.gn but still- my n.ails always looked nice, at least by my standards back then. The shop I went to was one frequented by broke ass college kids such as myself. To get there, we simply took the campus shuttle to PG Plaza and went to the little shop set up in the back of one of the department stores. They had perhaps 3 stations set up with middle aged Korean nail technicians who spoke nary a word of English. In the back was one guy who I assume had been chosen to be the ONE PERSON  trained to use the a.ir b.rush. I think that explained his overall stank attitude. He was rude and I always ended up picking something I didn’t really like because he was just evil. (I felt pressured). It wasn’t the nicest experience, but at the time, it actually seemed to be an indulgence.

Times have surely changed!

I stopped in a small shop  in MD this weekend for a p.edicure. The owners of the ship were a hip young Asian couple who greeted you at the door  with a smile. As I sat at the p.edicure station, I started paying attention to the n.ail technicians as they started arriving in the shop. ( I had tried to get there before opening so that I wouldn’t have to wait, but there were like 15 people already outside). While  I watched these girls walk in, I started to wonder if maybe I was in the wrong profession. Each sauntered in, looking like they’d just gotten in from a fabulous Friday night in the city. Each one of those heffas had shoes that were WAY more expensive than the ones I was wearing and they were rocking designer jeans. Those highlights? Honey, they couldn’t have been less than $300. Their faces were beat the hell down with flawless makeup. And their Movados were way newer than mine. I won’t even talk about the TIffany’s jewelry. OR the damn handbags.

WTF.

I mean I am paying them to scrape the crust off my ugly feet, and those heffas come in here looking like a million bucks! I comforted myself by allowing myself to blieve that everything they had on was fake, that they probably knew folks who had a business selling bootleg gear on the street. ( hey its ugly but it sure beats feeling jealous of those hos). I think I’ll go back in a couple weeks and try to befriend one, learn their secrets. Maybe they all have some money invested in the shop and that explains their fabulousness. Maybe they all live at home with their parents and spend all their money on looking good. Maybe I could study for a nail license so I too could rock the fabulousness effortlessly. How hard can it be to scrape a corn?

Or maybe, just maybe, those beetches are fakin the funk and and none of that shit is real.

Man it bet not be real.

I think its real though.

I hate them.

Just for that Imma get extra crusty next time. When they spend the $40 from my p.edicure, they will damn sure remember it.

The injustice of it all!

Beauty Night Out

ladies in  DC metropolitan area, keep an eye out for Beauty Night Out, coming soon in April. I’ve worked with the folks who are putting this on and they are seriously the real deal. Keep an eye out for this event. They should be updating the page soon. Their gift bags are off the chain. Definitely worth looking into

hate her…..

jlo1.jpgluv her style. The only thing bad I’ve ever seen on her is that corpse that she wears on her arm from time to time. Bad taste in men, but this beetch’s style is on POINT! Don’t believe me? Note her body language and over all fierceness in the pic above. Then look at this mess that follows. See her face? Even she knows he is a hot mess. And what’s up with those dark shoes with that shiny suit.  No, fool. Just no.

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what u gettin, mami

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Excuse me for one moment while I attempt to scrape the remnants of my left contact from my eye. Seriously, it must have melted onto my cornea. Medical assistance might be required. Have you sat under one of these dryers at the Dominican shops? Its hot as hell in August, no joke. My goodness. It all started when I sat here this morning and realized that I could put my free time to good use and go get my purty on. The Dominican ladies always get my do straight, bouncy, and full o ‘body. Since the shop that I like is all the way in Silver Spring, I don’t get to go as often as I like. It just started feeling like the perfect day for a doobie. The thing about Dominican salons is that, although you come out looking just too cute, there is definitely a price to pay for beauty. If you manage to get out from under their Dominican torture devices alive, they then sit you in their chair and proceed to use the hair dryer on the highest heat imagineable to force your roots into silky luxurious compliance. Is it worth the pain? Three days later when my hair is still silky and bouncy and wonderful, I imagine I will say “YES, YES , and YES AGAIN”. Right now, with my scalp no doubt red and sore, I’m contemplating whether or not I will even go back ( I will) and telling myself that hair this soft is not worth the torture. ( It SO is)