all dressed up nowhere to go

Woke up today to a delightful email from The Man.

“I received a call from Property Management who indicated that they have been monitoring the snow situation with the roof very closely. They have determined that the snow on the roof presents a risk and they have decided to close the building until further notice. …, we need to communicate to all other HQ employees that the … location is closed until further notice.”

I had fully intended to crank the Jolly Green Giant up and go into the office today, but now it sounds as if I can forget about it . Who knows when this further notice thing is going to kick in. When the snow melts? Do they need to go up and resurface some sh*T? I mean really.

 I’M OVER IT!!

new phone

Finally getting a new phone. I’m so over my Blackberry Curve that I can’t even tell you. I was able to finagle Tmobile into giving me an upgrade, for the most part only paying shipping charge. The reviews that I’ve come across for the Motorola Cliq are pretty good so far- the main thing I’m attracted to is that it will fully support my facebook addiction what with the whole social networking interface. I’m expecting it within the next day or so. I’ll keep you posted.

pretty girl

When I was growing up, I went through perhaps the longest ugly duckling phase that anyone has probably had to endure. Not only did I ALWAYS have a very ample derriere, too ample for a bookwormish kid at a predominately white elementary, middle and then high school- but I always had glasses that were always a little TOO big and bookish, and I always wore skirts- even in the dead of winter. My grandfather, the head of a small Pentecostal church in the country wasn’t about having females walking around in clothes meant for men. The day that I did get to wear jeans to school- my father, undecidedly UNPentecostal put his foot down- I felt that God was punishing me- as no sooner had I arrived to my second period class in my new white jeans that I officially “became a woman” -staining and imprinting the moment indeliably on my 10 year old psyche. It was a horrible day and I did not put on another pair of pants until I was 18 years old.  These days, I rarely wear skirts which I believe is pretty normal for women with backgrounds such as mine. I’ve had enough skirt wearing to last a lifetime, for real and for true. Add my general sense of awkwardness to the fact that I stood out as the girl who always wears skirts- hell that would have broken a lesser person in their very formative years I would think. I thank God for my grandmother who made me feel beautiful even at a time that I felt anything but. I really truly thank God for her. I guess I was about 13 when one day after walking across the lawns to get into her home, my grandmother made a little fuss and said “I was wondering who that beautiful girl was walking around outside!” Of course when she said it, I peeked out the window to see if this beautiful girl was still roaming around because surely she wasn’t talking about me. How could she possibly have been. Coming from my grandmother, who was and still is, one of the most beautiful women in the world- that was more than a compliment. When we used to pass around photos of my grandmother in her youth – we always marvelled at how perfect her hair always was, how perfect her outfits were- she looked like a young Lena Horne in her day.  How could someone so perfect find me, with my large Sally Jessy Raphael glasses and long skirts beautiful? It was unheard of. Over the years, I have learned to be comfortable in the skin that I’m in, and cultivate my own version of “beautiful”. I know that when I am happy, I feel beautiful. When I am smiling- I feel beautiful. I have learned to concentrate on the beauty that is inside me which is far greater than any physical beauty that I will ever posess and I find that it really does spill over into the outside. My booty is still too big, but its ok, because although its big, honey you better believe I keep it moving! I feel happy with the woman I’ve become.  And my beautiful grandmother in all her wisdom, cracked the shell way back when I just a young egg and at my most awkward. This weekend, when I was visiting the family- I tried somewhat of a new look which i was nervous about. After the church service, when I went to greet my grandmother- her beautiful little eyes danced, and she grabbed my hand and kissed my cheek and gleefully remarked ” Look at this beautful woman in front of me!” and my heart spilled over. Not because of any sense of vanity or anything of the sort. My heart spilled over because I am in a truly happy place in my life for the first time in a long time- at peace with myself, and those around me- and a tiny part of me likes to think that the beautiful woman that stood before my grandmother this weekend was smiling back at her,  from the inside out.

boosters ruined my life

The-Nail-Shop-01

I’ve posted before about the nail shop I go to in a not so fabulous neighborhood. I travel from my comfy home in VA every two weeks to MD to get my treatments because of habit and also because they have thus far, done the best job on my nails and feet.

Yea so. That’s about to stop. I finally realized that unfortunately, I might be a little ..I don’t want to say bourgie because I really don’t identify with that. Maybe I’m just to…not ghetto enough…to frequent the establishment any longer. Yea thats it. My ghetto game is not up to par at ALL. Humph and to hell with it.

I’ve taken a lot from those folks over the years. I mean I’ve been offended and green with envy at the designer-like gear the nail technicians rock constantly. I’ve gotten agitated by the bad ass little kids constantly running around. I even turn a blind eye to the boosters who roam the aisle selling everything from tube socks to lacy underwear. I mean I take it, you know! I’ve just endured so much all in the name of the best french manicure I’ve personally ever had on fingers and toes. But this weekend, one of the most special boosters came into the door and I knew from the minute he stepped across the threshold- it would be a lifechanging moment. He just had that look of ” Bitches, Imma about to change your world”. I can’t explain it but I have a sense about these things. I didn’t know what to expect though. Who knew what he’d pull out of his black canvas bag. I do know that when he reached in, for a moment- my heart fluttered. Should I duck? What will happen? What he pulled out confirmed my earlier suspiscions. No,he didn’t have the latest bootleg Star Trek DVD to sell. Neither did he gave any of the most special bars of soap and deoderant sticks that are normally sold there- two for five dollars.  Nope. Nothing as practical as that. This man was advertising and offering at super low discount rates, bottom dollar prices, best investment you ever made- PEPPER SPRAY, get it now only two left. Pepper spray. I may not be all of it, but I really honestly am sitting there thinking, God please don’t let anyone I know see me up in here today. Please and I promise. To make things worse, as I’m wriggling my toes trying to get Ms A’s attention so she can get to the corns asap so I can get my fancy ass up out of there, the fabulous young thing next to me, in all her self applied down to there weaved glory,yells out, to noone in particular, as though someone were paying her ass for advertising- ” Yea, that stuff works cause that one time the cops sprayed it on me….”. I’m sorry that I can’t tell you what the end results of the said WTF-are-u-talking-about  incident were, because at that point I started singing out loud to myself so as to drown her out. Amidst all that foolery, I’m sure I ended up looking like the crazy one. I’m special like that. Get there.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get around to getting my nails done that day. I am saddened that I am forced to end such a long relationship with the proprietors of the establishment but I really don’t think I belong there anymore. After I paid for their services, I stepped back to take in the salon one final time. A smiling Ms A waved to me, telling me that she’ll see me next time and to bring my daughter with me. I shook my head slowly and backed out the door.

No Ms A, you will not and I shall not.  Now I will end up paying more I’m sure at a new nail salon, and change my whole routine- but what choice do I have? A beetch whose been pepper sprayed just might be a beetch who’d cut ya, and honey, a beetch like that does NOT need to be sitting next to me, while I’m immobile with my feet stuck in the water. No ma’am and good day.

I knew that booster would change the game.

I told you.

to be young again

But seriously. I’m going to have to borrow someone’s elementary aged school kid for regular movie dates throughout 2009. I suffered the embarassment before when Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone came out. When I realized that there were tons of adults like me who were Harry obsessed, I got over my shame and just went alone for the remaining Harry Potter flicks. I really don’t think I’m going to have the same luck next year. The absolute BEST movies for 2009 are in fact kids movies. I mean animated films in all their Pixar glory type films. I.CANNOT.WAIT. A movie outing yesterday that went way left field resulted in me sitting for The Tale of Despereaux. I wish I could say that my mature taste in film made me desperately bored and agitated that I was immersed in a theatre full of squirmy kids and that I suffered impatiently until the end of said film until the moment I could regain my sophisticated consciousness and enjoy some stimulating adult conversation. Nah, bruh. I barely blinked during the PREVIEWS. They had me at “Please turn off cell phones and crying babies” ( or something like that). I gasped and giggled along with the little kids. I nudged the person next to me at the really scary parts. I whispered loudly when I figured I knew what was happening. I laughed. I got teary. And then the actual movie started. Sigh.  Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. K would never go see these movies with me. (Mother…no). We have had numerous  “if I have to watch one more movie where animals are given human mannerisms I’ll scream” conversations. I can’t even bribe her lil behind to go. So that leaves me sitting here, trying to find out when those wonderful movies will be featured next year. I need a game plan. I figure I can borrow my sister’s three kids, one at a time for the first three. Might have to pay for a couple cousins for others, but I’m not above it. If worse comes to worst, I’ll wait until a family that looks like me strolls into a theatre and follow behind them closely. I’ll clutch my popcorn tight and sit right next to the youngest kid. No seat in between. And I’ll possibly make friends with the parents so that hopefully maybe one day, they’ll consider letting me borrow their kid for the next premiere. Yea. Its that serious. Kids movies rule.

where has the time gone

It took me longer than normal to get into Christmas spirit this year. I think I haven’t really come to grasp with how quickly this year has passed. Honestly, I feel as if I just celebrated the fourth of July and here we are at the end of another year. I managed to get the things on my list about an hour before the stores closed on Christmas Eve. Although its become something of a tradition for me to do my shopping on Christmas Eve, I think its safe to say that from now on, its time for me to try something new-namely finishing all my shopping before December even gets here. My nerves are bad and after I had to literally talk myself out of dragging that lady out of her car and beating her down in the parking lot- I think its best not to put myself in such stressful situations. Now, I’m coming down off my sugar and food induced high and trying to put things in perspective for the new year. I have a new job that I really like, some new friends, and a new perspective on what it really takes to make me happy. I’m not making any resolutions this year. I’m not really making any plans. I think I’m going to just focus on the things that bring joy to my life and hope that I do the things that I need to do to increase my joy. Its been a year filled with ups, downs and in betweens. Surprisingly, I wouldn’t change much of what I have been through. I have had to learn some pretty harsh and painful lessons over the year- lessons that I needed to learn that I feel have helped me to become an even better person. Who knows what 2009 will bring. One can only hope and have faith that it is a year of abundance, and joy and growth-spiritually, mentally, professionaly, in all aspects. I am so thankful for so many things today. Thankful for my family who I haven’t spent a lot of time with over the past year but who have been there for me, loving me from the arms length distance I have been holding them at for whatever reason. I love where I come from and realize that I won’t get anywhere without their love and support. I’m thankful for love- enduring lasting love that has grown and changed along with me as I’ve grown and changed. I’m thankful for friends. Friends who make me laugh, friends who let me cry and friends who make me see myself when I’m being a big dummy- who don’t back down when they have me against a wall and raging at the world. I’m thankful for my daughter….my daughtet who is the abosolute best thing in my life. Who is living proof that I contributed something beautiful and RIGHT to this world. My daughter who makes me laugh, who knows when I will cry, who makes me stronger and just makes me so proud to KNOW her, let alone be her mother.  I am thankful for my father, who still makes me feel that he will protect me from the world everytime I talk to him. Despite differences we’ve had over the past couple years, we both know that I will always be Daddy’s Little Girl and it gives me more comfort than I can even express. I’m just thankful to be entering into my 35th year with the foundation that those around me have helped me to create, to stand on, and to plant my feet firmly as I prepare for the new year full of unknowns. God has truly been good to me. Better to me that I have felt worthy of, but He has been SO good and I”m thankful. Thankful. Hopeful. Happy.

I’m supposed to be blogging everyday for a month. For those who have visited the original LAB, you may know this probably won’t happen. Just in case I revert back to my old ways, have a WONDERFUL, BLESSED and HAPPY New Year. You deserve it!!