table for one

so this is what it feels like to be single.

I have been in a relationship for the better part of the past 10 years. When you get to the point where things aren’t moving forward and you lose interest in making the effort, its best to part ways before the love that brought you together turns sadly into something cold and mean.

Parts of me are looking forward to being single. Of no longer being accountable to another person. Of having the freedom to do whatever I please or to do nothing at all. Mainly the time I will be afforded to once again focus on myself and the personal goals that have taken a back burner for various reasons. At 36 there is still loads of living to do and I embrace that.

Parts of me are scared shitless. Starting over after such a long time, when your habits and very  lifestyle for the better part of your adult life have included this other person. Seperating from the one person that knows you almost better than you know yourself. Being scared of being happy without someone is a weird feeling that I can’t begin to explain, let alone make sense of.

I’m pretty sure I’ll be taking to this blog again while I work through everything. Find my legs again. Rediscover myself. Luckily- my daughter has a ton going on that will take a lot of energy. Luckily ( or maybe not so luckily) I have to study for my PMP agan which will take up almost every free moment. Luckily- I will be working with a friend on a couple of exciting projects to keep me occupied. Luckily- life goes on.

We’ll see how it goes.


2 thoughts on “table for one

  1. How funny to me that I just randomly clicked here from a comment you left on one of my Seal posts…and you’ve FINALLY posted again.

    Sad to see WHY, but everything is for a reason. It will be hard – i’m not gonna lie, but you will make it. One day at a time. Fake it til ya make it. And all that other bullshit people say when life is hard.

    Writing it out does help, though.

  2. Thanks, Barista. First on the agenda, MOVE. We’ve been living together since 2003. I could stay, but too many memories man. From there… who the heck knows. Dating is NOT even on the radar…I have been in relationships since age 22..I dont’ even think I KNOW HOW to date as a grown woman. SAD!

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