the starbucks near my new crib is…interesting to say the least. Most of the staff seem to have recently graduated from an ESL course at the nearest NoVa campus. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but the language barriers caused some interesting mishaps with the early morning Sunday crowd. After ordering my coffee and standing in line, I watched no less than five orders get completely screwed up. If a “tall skim sugar free mocha” was ordered, a grande vanilla latte was placed on the counter. And no, they didn’t just get the customers mixed up. These fools straight made what they wanted to make and tried to convince folks that this was in fact what they ordered. The customers were so pissed off they just accepted the erroneous brew and huffed out the door, visions of a peaceful Sunday morning at the local coffee shop blown to hell. One lady and her husband made the mistake of attempting to order four of the most complicated drinks I have ever heard of. I think they were even confusing themselves with their requests for things like “tall dry extra hot sugar free one splenda skim hazelnut latte” and another exactly the same but with TWO splendas instead of one. Crazy ish like that. The little husband growing frustrated with the cashier’s ” so one grande? hazelnut latte..?” tucked his Washington Post under his arm, and stomped off, leaving his wife to remember what he’d ordered and deal with translating this information effectively to the cashier. Of course by the time their order was done, all four drinks were WRONG WRONG WRONG. The little agitated guy, having returned to the counter, yanked a cup out of the holder and demanded to know “Exactly what is this mess”. The barista looked at the letters written on the side of the cup. It looked like someone had written the entire alphabet down the side of the cup. By the time she’d gotten to the bottom, little guy’s face had turned about three shades of purple. I backed up because I was sure he was going to throw the entire cup of Caution:contents very hot across her cute but clueless face. They stood up there for five minutes and the sad thing is that when it was all said and done, one of the drinks was STILL wrong. The wife looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown, because her DH had started taking his frustration out on her. They went over the drinks in the tray on the way out the door. I heard her ask ” Well who is this one for?”. His angry azz glared at her, and said ” who cares, its for the damn dog”. Without missing a beat, this heffa responded. ” But are you sure its what he likes?” LMAO. I’m sure he wanted to hit her. When I got out to my truck, I saw them sitting in an immaculate silver Range Rover. Before I pulled off, I saw the driver’s door and the passenger door open and cups of coffee were being dumped onto the ground. I drove off with my cup of coffee, smiling, remembering that keeping things simple always works best. At least for me. I really hope that couple was able to salvage their day, but somehow I’m thinking not. As for the other patrons, that liquid crack is so good I guess it all tastes the same: just as long as they got their fix, they really didn’t care what the hell they were drinking. A literal hot mess indeed!