i got your man

“Get your shit together
you’re makin a fool of yourself,
it don’t matter if he spends the night
his home is somewhere else
Ain’t you tired of being on the side line,
tired of getting yours after i gets mine
baby second place don’t get a prize
when you gone realize you wasting your time …
little sideline ho ”

Women, as a whole, need to get it together. Seriously. When I meet guys and they realize how few women I deal with, they are actually surprised. They see me as an outgoing person and feel that I’d be a good friend to anyone. I try to school them, and let them know that dealing with women requires more energy and patience than dealing with men…but they don’t hear me tho. I think, like most men, my male friends think that all women, ESPECIALLY black women, are bonded by the common belief that most men ain’t shit. Despite any problems that I may have had, may have caused, may have suffered in that department..I truly beg to differ.

As a rule, I don’t get along with most females. With that being said, it would make me seem like a hypcrite to voice this next opinion, but here goes. Most men behave the way that they do because WOMEN as a whole, do not care about one another. I have to make a sidenote here because I know some FABULOUS women and I do not include them, nor myself in this category. But for those OTHER heffas, ( and you KNOW who you are), this one’s for you.

I spoke with an “associate” today who is having an affair with a married man. As always, she boasted of the beautiful flowers that he send regularly to her office. She spewed detail after detail of their romantic weekend together at a 5 star hotel. He was attentive, and loving and considerate and satisfied her every desire. According to her, he is the perfect man. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! This woman had actually convinced herself that since they make each other happy, they aren’t doing anything wrong. She actually said that its not their fault that they came together. She TRIED that. 

I sat as long as I could and watched her as she spoke. Surely, deep down she felt guilty about this and felt sorry for causing pain to this woman that she actually knew,this woman  that she had travelled with and had broken bread with on numerous occasions. Surely, my ass was mistaken. I asked a simple question, and got what was truly a simple answer.

“What about his wife?”
“What about her?”
“What do you mean what about her, how do you think she feels about all this?”
“I don’t care! If she was doing what she was supposed to do, he wouldn’t be with me”

I looked at her. Shook my head. And told this woman who is 15 years older than me:

“If you were doing what YOU were supposed to be doing, he’d have left her by now.” She looked at me hard, and told me there was no reason for me to be so mean. ME. HAH!

What has the world come to? I do think that getting a man and keeping a man are not necessarily the same thing. I know where she is coming from by saying that his wife has to do her job. A lot of us, including myself get a good man and think that is the end of it. The same amount of effort it took to get him has to be put into keeping him. I’m learning for myself that there are things that I just have to be more sensitive about if I want to maintain harmony in my own home. However, when did it become okay to pounce on a man at the first sign of discord in his home? What happened to us? When did we stop CARING about each other? IF it is true that men ain’t shit, then why is it that we’re punishing each other INSTEAD of them? We complain that all men do is cheat and lie, yet the first opportunity we get to be with one of their “lyin cheatin asses” we run and jump and immediately side against the wife. Are we that desperate?

What exactly are the qualities that we look for in men nowadays? Men, regardless of their class in life, have higher standards than women. Even a bum off the streets will look for a woman who can take care of them. When it comes to relationships ( actual relationships not friends with benefits) they know to trade UP. Women act so desperate for a man that they take the first thing that comes along. He doesn’t need an education, he doesn’t need his own place to live, his own car, hell he doesn’t even need a JOB half the time for some women. All he needs to do is be a man and be willing to put up with her. That’s it. We’re so desperate to grab hold of a man that we don’t even know what to look for in a man anymore. When you are holding on to someone else’s man with everything you have, what exactly are you holding on to? What about someone who can be so deceitful, and hurtful, and immoral is appealing to you? I just don’t understand that. The men who fit the “ain’t shit” label benefit from the issues that women have. Since we settle for anything, they never have to come at us better. They don’t need to step their game up. They don’t need to finish their degrees, or learn that there is more to dating than just going to dinner and a movie. They know that we will take whatever the hel that they offer us. Why? Because we’re convinced that there are no good men out here, that there are no good Black men out here, that there are no good STRAIGHT BLACK MEN out here so if you find one, married or not, you better hold on to him now and deal with the bullshit later.

Women need to wake up. Noone should be HAPPY, BOASTFUL, PROUD of having a counterfeit relationship made dirty by secret phone calls, stolen moments and lies. We don’t have to be the kind of women who take pleasure in knowing that for every passionate moment we spend with these men, someone’s heart is breaking. Aren’t we BETTER than that? If so, why do we settle for it? There is more to life than getting a man. I pray there is more to life than “taking” someone else’s man. If we got ourselves together, the men would have no choice but to follow suit. We have the power but I guess we’re too busy sniffing the petals of a soon rotted bouquet of roses attached to a note of false promises and empty sentiments to care.

So to the woman that I spoke with today. In case I was unclear in anyway;
I’m not impressed by the flowers. I’m not impressed by the hotels.
Because at the end of the day, you are still a ho.
Because at the end of the day he is still a liar and a cheater.
Because at the end of the day, his wife is a woman, just like you. Who hurts.
Because at the end of the day, no amount of roses will ever mask the stink of you and I think you DO know that, but the problem is, I just think you’re too much of a ho to do better.

Please. Just.Do.Better.


12 thoughts on “i got your man

  1. You never know how nice some black guys are if you haven’t talked with them. I met some great black men on EbonyFriends.com and we finally are good friends now.

  2. She ain’t raping that brother, so in this case, He really ain’t sh*t. He’s a big boy who made a choice to break the vows he made with his wife, and God (if he got married in a church).

    Women shouldn’t chase after married men, but married men need to stop cheating on their wives.

  3. WoW! You are 1000% on POINT! you broke it down to the lowest term ROFL!!!!! You have NEVER lied about how many women have become “settlers” and settle for BS from no good men and think it is better to have a “piece” of a man (or someone else’s)than no man at all! *smh*

  4. Excellent post! I tell my mother and father all the time, there is nothing wrong with these men, its the women!!!! If you DEMAND respect you will have no choice but to get it!

  5. I found this post via CreoleinDC. Loves it! It is the truth. It is like Chris Rock said. Men see their boys woman and think “Wow, I gotta get a girl like that.” Women see their friend’s man and think “I gotta get him.” It is ridiculous. That woman should have some self-respect. How can she be so clueless about what she is going. Doesn’t she know about karma?? I also agree that women need to have some standards too. Some women do and they are the ones you see in successful relationships. Great post.

  6. Dang, you hit the nail on tyhe head. At first I thought the song by Monica was dumb, but as I listened more I realized what she was saying. The ‘ho’ just made it easy for a man to do wrong, and earned no respect in the process. I seen many men who got cuaght at a low point in their marriages and made poor decisions ( not discounting responsibility on their part).

    Like Creole said, she will ending up being on the wrong side of an azz-whooping if she continues to push her luck.

  7. Men could never cheat if there were no women who agreed to cheat with them. If ALL women insisted on being treated like queens then all men would have to step up their game. I have always thought it would be cool if we could have a women’s revolution where all women would demand to be treated with integrity and respect

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