No food for 8 days…

So I’m day 8 of this fast. I feel GREAT. My energy levels are throught the roof, and on top of that I’m not hungry. I defies all logic I tell you because I am soo in love with food. I’m starting to think I must be raiding the refrigerator in my sleep or something, because its just that hard for me to believe that I haven’t really been hungry yet. I’m lucky in that I’ve not lost too much weight. When I come off this, I am going to adopt a healthier way of eating and I’d rather the weight come off that way. I had lost a little weight a bit back and gained that back, so for the most part, all I’ve lost is the few pounds I gained before and some change.  Good times indeed.

So. For the past couple days, I’ve been trying to think about the changes that I’ll make in my diet beginning soon after this fast. There are so many different diets, and fads that honestly, I’ve needed this time to reprogram myself when it comes to what my body needs to fuel itself. (See, isn’t that cool that I’m thinking of food on those terms?I thought so too.) But having done so many diets before where I can’t eat meat, or where I can only eat a combination of three foods, or where I have to drink two shakes followed by a sensible meal, it saddens me to say that I had forgotten how to eat. I forgot whats good for me. I tell people that I’ve been on a diet for the past 5 years. When they see me, they find it hard to believe, but dieting for me has become just a way to not gain weight. I haven’t really been able to lose.

So I won’t diet. What’s funny, is that when I’ve been thinking of the changes that I’m going to make, the first thing that I’m considering is the health factor. I just want to eat healthy. I want to give my body the respect it deserves and be healthy. This is a first for me. In the past in order to lost 40lbs in 3 months, I was quite willing ( and eager) to eat bacon and cheese and steaks and eggs in order to make that happen. Achieving good health was not even a consideration. I got the weight off but was I healthy. Nah, bruh. I seriously doubt that.

So, in a couple days I’ll start this journey. I have proven to myself that I have the discipline to make the necessary changes. I’ll just have to see if I can maintain that same resolve to move toward a better me.

We shall see.

life path number

copped this from monnie, who copped this from diva:

Your Life Path Number is 4

Your purpose in life is to build your vision.You are practical and responsible. You work hard, knowing that there are no shortcuts in life. You work for a better life for yourself and those you love, but you are not an idealist. Trustworthy and honest, you also demonstrate great courage. People can count on you. In love, you are a loyal and committed partner. You are the ideal spouse. You don’t give up easily, and sometimes you can be too stubborn and unwilling to change. You also can be too conservative at times. You sometime miss out on good opportunities. Also remember that not everyone can work as hard as you, as disappointing as that is!

What Is Your Life Path Number?

surprised

So I’m on day two of this fast. So far so good. I’m worried about making it through to the end of the fast though. As of right now I’m not hungry, but I’m sure I will be singing a different tune come Tuesday. Its just that I hadn’t realized how much time I spend in a day thinking about food. It is so bizarre. When it is time for meals, I find myself missing the act of eating, but the lemonade SO FAR has kept me feeling satisfied. I LOVE food so I don’t anticipate this feeling lasting much longer. When I have thought about food, I’ve tried to reevaluate the types of things that I’ve been putting into my body thus far. I’ve read other blogs of those who’ve done this fast before me, and many of them always looked forward to the end so that they could indulge in their favorite fast foods. One had a Snickers bar in her freezer for the day that she could indulge in solid foods. I am praying, praying, praying that I am able to keep my eating clean so that I don’t feel the need to do something so drastic anymore. “He” is in a constant quest for being healthy so I figure that we can treat ourselves once a week or so with a nice indulgent meal, but for the most part I’m hoping that we can keep it clean and stay healthy. But then, its only day two and I haven’t felt the true pangs of hunger yet.

By Tuesday, I could be sitting at this keyboard, with the remnants of a vat of fries on my greasy fingers, telling you all how I tried to be as strong as I could, but the food was just calling me man, it was calling me.

Sigh.

I guess I’ll take it one day at a time and see how it goes.

((O I’m watching the original King King right now. I’ve never seen it before and I’m just basking in the utter cheese of it all. Just love black and white movies!!)

Master Cleanser

i’m going to start this cleanser today. since i’m not “regular” i often have to rely on colonics and other methods to ….errum..eliminate. (Seriously, if I told you how often that happens, you’d be scared..shi…well you know where I’m going with that) Even when I eat clean, I still have problems in that area, so I’m convinced that I need to start from square one. I think I’ve done a lot of damage to my body and I want to sacrifice TEN days to begin repairing it.

So.

To transition into a serious life change I’m going to practice some good ole fashioned discipline and clean my body. What I hope to achieve with this is evidence that my system is being cleansed, improvements to my skin, enough weight loss to inspire me to change my way of thinking when it comes to food, so that I’m not dieting any longer, but just making better choices innately. I’m going to also use this time to get my mind right. To get in touch with myself spiritually. I know this is highly unorthodox and that lots of folks are totally against this type of thing, but I know myself and my body needs this.

Send your positive thoughts my way. I’m sure gonna need them.

Take care.

nothing new under the sun

i never asked my mother what she thought of tina back in the day. before they really knew of her abuse, and her story, i wonder what the women of her day thought of her. did they look at her with sideways glances? did they think she went too far?did they just see her as someone who used her body just as much as her voice to get ahead in the music game? did they hate on her? you know. the way some of us do when we watch Beyonce.

if Bey had Tina to look up to and try to emulate, what is the little girl who is looking up to Bey right this moment going to contribute to the music world. i worry about that a little. i worry about the day coming when some artist will come along, teaching us how to shake some body part we never thought could MOVE let alone shake, and make us think that Beyonce was tame in comparison.
isn’t that just a little scary?

no words

having too much fun

Our local newscasters at their finest. LOL.

http://video.nbc4.com/player.html?dlid=35533

whatever

 

it is extremly hard to be at work today. I feel distracted and disinterested in pretty much everything. I’m pretty sure distracted and disinterested are at the top of some symptom list for SOMETHING or other, but I don’t even have the energy to care. I’m tryin to just get thru the day without screaming. And its not even that I’m in a bad mood. I just..I don’t know..I just want to be doing something else I guess.

So this morning I was watching IMUS in the morning. I didn’t know that the suspension kicked in next week, so I wanted to see if they were going to air a NEW show or do a rerun or something. He had that guy who plays Bobby on the Sopranos as a guest. Well the guy who is Bobby seemed a little too sympathetic for my liking so I’m now hoping his character is amongst the next who gets whacked on that show. Not saying much about Imus other than I disrespect him MORE for his “contriteness” than I did for what he said. I can’t stand people who aren’t honest about WHO THEY ARE. If thats how you feel, apologize that you were stupid enough to voice it on a national platform, apologize that you hurt a LOT of people, but don’t fuquin say that “i’m really a good person”. FUQ u, FUQ u, mutherfuq u. That’s all I have to say. Be you and have the balls to stand behind the shit. Don’t patronize me because you’re scared you’re going to lose face to the public ( and if there is any justice your damn job). Everyone pretty much knows you’re an asshole anydamnway.

What else…

So Birkhead is the father. At this point. I really don’t care. That baby is going to have a time of it either way you look at it. God help her.

I started to watch the Good Shepard last nite, but I had a glass of wine and I lasted all of the first fifteen minutes. I don’t know if it was the wine or the movie but my GOD the dryness of it ALL!!! I’m going to try again tonite sans the wine. I have heard its a good movie, the mother of spy films, even but MY GOD…..

I’m taking off work tomorrow. I have to go to a funeral. I’m REALLY not looking forward to it. Isn’t that the weirdest thing to say? I mean shouldn’t that be one of those things that “goes without saying”? Is it expected for one to actually look forward to going to a funeral? I guess there are some weirdos out here who get off on that, but I’m just dreading the whole idea of it. I feel really bad because I must not be in the right frame of mind for a funeral. All I’m focusing on is all the errands I’ll be able to get done after since I have the day off anyway. I pretty much suck for that and I know it so that also goes without saying.

This weight thing is no joke. For the past week I haven’t been doing ANYTHING diet wise and I feel it. I reallly have to get on the ball with this. I do this every year and then complain when it gets hot because I’m not where I need to be.  I’m going to get back on the ball today and keep my fat arse up there this time. We’ll see how it goes.

Life is, Life does, and if you’re lucky, Life goes on. What can you do?

Hope you’re having a good day.
 

hmmm

..what do u think?

“Never once in my 54 years have I ever once heard a gay or lesbian person who’s politically active say one thing about anything that was not about them. They don’t care about minimum wage, they don’t care about any other group other than their own self because you know, some people say being gay and lesbian is a totally narcissistic thing and sometimes I wonder. I’ve never heard any of them say anything except for ‘Accept me ’cause I’m gay.’ It’s just, it’s screwed. It’s no different than the evangelicals, it’s the same mindset. They want you to accept Jesus and you guys want us to all believe it’s ok to be gay. And a lot of us, a lot of them, I do, I don’t give a damn who anybody has sex with, as long as they’re not underage and an animal. I don’t give a damn, it’s none of my damn business. I’m just sick of all the divisiveness, it’s not getting any of us anywhere.”

- Roseanne Barr

**saw this on Perez today and it made me scratch my head for a bit.

good girls don’t?

 

I get so confused talking to some women and their concepts of what is acceptable in a relationship. I mean I get  confused  like I start questioning MY ish, confused.

See..

I get why people refrain from having..relations…prior to getting married. I was raised believing I should do the same thing. Based on what I believe to be right and true, I think that people SHOULD refrain from doing it.  So when I meet someone and it comes up that they don’t do certain things, if nothing else I am in awe of them and I have a great deal of respect for their strength and dedication.

Sometimes, though, I be getting confused.

Like when someone says they can’t have relations, but they do everything else BUT, and still think they’re on par with what God expects from them.

Like when Bill Clinton said he didn’t have intercourse with that woman, but what he DID was certainly bad enough.

Like, are there degrees of fornication?

No seriously?

And I know I would be considered a heathen by many so my questions are not to make light of this at all. I just WONDER about it. Is it acceptable from a religious standpoint to spend the night on a first date with someone, snuggling side by side in bed just because intercourse is not had? Is that REALLY ok?

Is it acceptable to “make out” with someone to the point where the actual ACT is the ONLY thing that hasn’t gone on…you know from a religous standpoint?

I guess my concern isn’t so much for their salvation as it is from the audacity of these same types of people to pass judgment on me for the choices that I make.

I know I’m wrong. I get that. But if its an issue of right and wrong, I don’t know where these people fit in. The people who have been provided with this list that the rest of us are not privvy to, which seems to provide a list of “acceptable” services and a list of “you’re going to hell tomorrow” services. I mean, if there IS such a list, how does one obtain it?

Where I come from, good girls don’t. Period.

From what I’m learning as I go through life, good girls are good girls regardless. They carry themselves with decency and respect and they are honest with themselves about themselves.  They certainly don’t play games with grown azz men, expecting them to behave like teenagers giving them JUST enough to keep them interested and then getting holy when its time to seal the deal. They realize that if they choose to wait, that there are SOME MEN who WILL wait and they carry themselves as though they are someone worth waiting FOR. COMPLETELY. NO DRY HUMPING INCLUDED.

They don’t chip away at the ho block, one act at a time, trying to convince the world that they have it all figured out and have found a way to beat the system.

Good girls don’t do that.

They don’t have to.

Just be you. Unapologetically.You.